Editorial Report 12B

            This blogpost will analyze more differences between my rough and revised drafts. We will look at the changes in form and in content to the rough draft. 

Selection from Rough Cut

If this test hasn’t proved to be a gold mine, perhaps this will confirm it. Perhaps one of the worst things about this test is its audience. You may have studied audience in English and how important it is to a paper.

         Well, it just so happens that the College Board didn’t mind its audience when constructing the SAT. The new test seems to forget a rather large and important part of society: the underprivileged.

         There was a $4,500 preparatory camp that allowed the rich to take an official SAT test that no one else could. The problem is that low-income students don’t have the funds to go to prep-camps. This, as you may imagine, would result in lower test scores for them.

Re-edited Section:

If this test hasn’t proved to be a gold mine, perhaps this will confirm it. Perhaps the worst aspect of the new test is its discrimination. You may remember studying how significant audience is in a publication.

2014 College Board

Well, it just so happens that the College Board didn’t mind its audience when constructing the SAT. The new test seems to forget a rather large and important part of society: the underprivileged.

        

The poor, the deprived, the disadvantaged. College seems to be the only way to get out of the vicious cycle of a poverty-stricken family. How is that possible when they can’t even go to college? Is it because they didn’t work hard enough? Certainly the 8 hours of school, 5 hours of work, 2 hours of taking care of their sick mother, and 3 hours of studying is hard work. They cant go to college because they are at such a large disadvantage.

         There was a $4,500 preparatory camp that allowed the rich to take an official SAT test that no one else could. The problem is that low-income students don’t have the funds to go to prep-camps. This, as you may imagine, would result in lower test scores for them.

         The College Board forgot another key aspect to our society: foreigners. Because the new SAT has so much more content, the test will be particularly difficult for non-English speakers. Reading a lengthy article and then analyzing its content isn’t particularly easy when English isn’t your first language.

1.    There is quite a bit that changed in terms of the content of my QRG. For one, I added more evidence to support my argument. I included a graph that displaced the average SAT scores according to family income. This evidence provides more validity to my argument. The content is being communicated more effectively because it provides direct evidence to my claim that the SAT is discriminatory towards low-income families. Another content change came from the example of the hard-working individual. The example used pathos to gain support for my argument. The content is being communicated more effectively because it adds an element to my argument that is hard to deny: emotion.

2.    One change to the form of this section was the addition of the image. This image provided evidence to my claim about discrimination. The form of this section changed due to the nature of images. This image provided a quick and easy way to access evidence for my argument. The image made this section more visual and easier to quickly skim through. The change in form presents the content more effectively because it provides evidence that is relatively easy to interpret. The change in form presents my main claim without ever having to actually state it.